What strength looks like in modern fatherhood

Father’s Day invites us to celebrate what fathers contribute to their children’s lives.

It is also a chance to reflect on what we now ask fathers to be – and how much the meaning of a “good father” has changed.Like many men of my generation, I grew up with a traditional model of fatherhood.

A good father provided, protected, maintained authority and kept difficult feelings to himself.

That model contained qualities worth preserving – duty, reliability and responsibility – but often gave men little language for vulnerability or emotional connection.Many fathers today are trying to do things differently, but without always having been shown how.

They may still feel expected – by society, by those around them and often by themselves – to provide stability, prepare children for life and set clear boundaries.

For some, this is tied to whether they feel they are living up to the kind of man and father they should be..Parents cannot raise resilient children in a society that leaves them to struggle alone.

At the same time, fathers are encouraged to understand emotions, communicate openly, recognise mental-health difficulties and respond sensitively to their children’s individual needs.

Many are trying to fulfil both roles. .Confused or inadequateIn my clinical work, this tension is especially visible among fathers of autistic and other neurodivergent children, disabled children and children with mental-health difficulties.

Fathers often feel confused, frustrated or inadequate – wanting to understand their child, but worried about becoming too permissive.A question I hear in different forms is: how much should I allow because my child has a genuine need, and when do I simply need to put my foot down?.Why teenage boys keep saying 'I’m fine' — and the emotional damage it causes .

That concern is understandable, particularly for men raised in homes where obedience was expected and distress rarely explored.

Yet it rests on a false choice.

Understanding a behaviour does not require accepting every behaviour.

A child may be overwhelmed, anxious or struggling with demands beyond their capacity.

That should shape the response – but it does not mean aggression becomes acceptable, every expectation disappears or avoidance should be allowed to become entrenched.The more useful question is not whether to empathise or set a boundary.

It is how to do both.Clear, predictable limitsChildren need adults who can say: “I understand why this is difficult” and “I will still help you through it.” They need clear, predictable limits without humiliation.

They also need adults who can distinguish deliberate defiance from dysregulation, fear or genuine incapacity.This is also where resilience is often misunderstood.

Children do not become resilient because every difficulty is removed, nor by being left alone with experiences that overwhelm them.

Resilience grows through manageable challenge, supported by a relationship that feels safe..What Adolescence taught us: Connecting with your teenager without crossing boundaries .

Children need a parent they can return to for reassurance when distressed.

That security is also what allows them to explore, take risks and gradually tolerate more discomfort.

The message is not: “I will protect you from everything.” It is: “You are safe with me, and I believe you can do something difficult.”For a neurodivergent child, that might mean adapting an environment so participation becomes possible rather than abandoning the expectation.

For an anxious child, it may mean taking gradual steps towards a feared situation rather than using force or permitting permanent avoidance.

For a dysregulated child, it may mean calming first, then returning to repair and learn. .Strength at all timesNone of this is about being soft.

Remaining calm when your child is not calm requires strength.

Tolerating their disappointment while holding a respectful boundary requires strength.

Listening without immediately fixing, admitting when you were wrong and repairing after conflict require strength too.This broader understanding of strength matters for fathers themselves, too.

Many men feel responsible for holding everyone together while quietly unsure whether their own distress counts.

The provider and protector role can bring real meaning, but it can also make asking for help feel like a failure of the very thing they are trying to be.

Yet a father who can acknowledge his own struggle, and seek support for it, is modelling the same strength he hopes to pass on – not its absence.How fathers embody that broader strength matters beyond their immediate relationship with their children, particularly when boys are receiving powerful competing messages about manhood.

The UAE’s recent decision to introduce a minimum social-media age of 15 reflects wider concern about children’s exposure to harmful content and unsafe interactions online.Wider discussionsWithin that broader digital landscape, boys may also encounter influencers offering versions of masculinity built around wealth, dominance and emotional invulnerability.

At the same time, wider discussions can focus on what masculinity should not be without offering boys a convincing alternative.Fathers provide that alternative through ordinary behaviour.

Children watch how fathers handle anger, speak to partners, respond to mistakes, show affection and ask for help.

They notice whether authority means control or leadership, and whether strength leaves room for kindness.Modern fatherhood does not require men to abandon firmness, courage or responsibility.

It asks us to broaden them.

This Father’s Day, perhaps we can celebrate a broader kind of strength – fathers who provide and remain present, who set boundaries without humiliation, and who create enough safety for children to face difficulty while staying beside them as they learn that they can. .Dr Dan Sheppard is a Clinical Psychologist and Neurodiversity Specialist based in Dubai