AI chatbots hit dating scene, becoming the lovelorn’s modern-day Cyrano

Marie Lansley started a new job in a new city while searching for a new partner.

In her dating pursuits, the freshly minted San Franciscan said she’s been “trying everything”— including some help from artificial intelligence.

AI chatbots have become — for her and many others — de facto dating coaches and relationship experts.Lansley, 36, consults AI chatbots for help in starting conversations, something she said she finds difficult on dating apps despite being comfortable doing so in person.

Although she’s optimistic about the possibilities, she acknowledges the incongruency between the art of romance and the precision of technology.“I am open to AI finding me the love of my life, but I’m also not fully convinced that it can,” Lansley said. “AI is great at making dating more efficient.

But the chemistry — that’s always going to be analogue.”AI adopters have been using the tech in varied ways to find romance.

Some patronise AI matchmaking services.

Others use AI tools to help build their dating profiles.

But the most common way is enlisting chatbots to draft messages to potential matches and interpret messages they receive.Lansley goes back and forth between OpenAI’s ChatGPT and Anthropic’s Claude.

Others turn to Elon Musk and X’s Grok, Google’s Gemini and other chatbots.

Dating apps and artificial intelligence companies are leaning into it.“Claude is the new Cyrano,” said dating coach Carey Gaynes, referencing the 19th century French play “Cyrano de Bergerac” in which the titular character is the brains behind another man’s romantic words. “You’re using a voice that isn’t yours.”Mason Naung, a 25-year-old student in Los Angeles, said he doesn’t use chatbots for message ideas, but could see the benefit of it for “icebreakers” during the early back-and-forth with someone. “I’ve been on Hinge on and off for a year or two, and sometimes I kind of struggle to think about what the opening line should be like with this girl, right?” he said.

But if the AI-written messages go beyond those initial exchanges, that would be a “small red flag” in his mind.Just as chatbots can help start conversations, they also can help end things.

Dani Cohen, a 27-year-old business owner in San Diego, said she would much rather be sent an AI-written farewell message by someone she’s been on a few dates with than be “ghosted,” or cut off without a word.Several people, including those who have turned to AI for dating help, expressed reservations about using the technology to help with deeply personal aspects of their life.

Many adopters said they had a line they wouldn’t cross when it would be inappropriate to use AI for dating.

Clara Sullivan, a 22year-old student in Los Angeles, said she would not reply to a potential partner if she knew they were sending her AI-written messages. “I think it’s really scary how reliant people are on it,” Sullivan said.AI is likely going to play a growing role in modern dating life. “It’s kind of a sad commentary on the state of the world.

Dating is supposed to be one of the things that cannot be replaced, right?” said Jake Clay, a content creator in New York. “It’s kind of sad to think that something so pivotal to your life is being outsourced to AI.”Catch the latest world news and top headlines.

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